Matchmaking in Middle Class India

Matchmaking in Middle Class India

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But being an Indian woman , and rarely seeing myself represented on the small screen in dating show contexts, I knew I had to watch it as soon as it aired. My expectations were low, but somehow I was still disappointed. The series follows Taparia as she meets with clients including Akshay, Pradhyuman and Ankita, finds out what they want, and aims to set them up with their perfect match. But rather than point out that the caste system which ranks Hindus through a hierarchical structure is, in theory, abolished but still holds sway, the show sidesteps it entirely.

In its place, there is veiled language. This is what bothered me the most. We have Akshay, who wants to uphold gendered roles with his choice of wife. She claims her blood pressure will be through the roof until her son finds an appropriate match who she approves of. On the other hand, we see Taparia constantly telling her female clients they are being too demanding in their lists of what they want in a partner.

She makes it clear that they are the ones who need to adjust to make their matches more compatible. In that, the roles of men and women are set. Ankita, an independent woman who was sure of herself, was brushed aside by Tapari and Geeta, another matchmaker, for that very reason.

Indian Matchmaking: Capitalising On The Arranged Marriage Market & Its Anxieties

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Matrix of arranged marriage

Now in my 40s, after my time in the City, I worked as a dealmaker for a large, ambitious internet company in the US, before realising a long-held dream of becoming a published author. More than half the UK population is now single, according to the Office for National Statistics, and the largely unregulated dating industry is estimated to be worth hundreds of millions of pounds.

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Indian Matchmaking unpacks only selectively what an upper-class, upper-caste Indian marriage entails. All of it costs, moneh, honeh. Oodles of it. And who pays for it?

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I watched the whole show in one night, yes it’s cringe-worthy, it is the kind of show you love to hate-watch. Through the course of eight seemingly harmless, silly episodes, the show managed to propound casteism, classism, colourism and sexism while normalising the notoriously annoying “aunty gaze”. Sure it’s fun to watch Sima Taparia, India’s self-proclaimed top matchmaker making trips between India and the US to set up her clients with their ideal match.

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Sima Aunty or Sima Tarapia, the woman with the starring role in the docu-series Indian Matchmaking, is being called the stuff of nightmares. The Netflix show is meant to be a behind-the-scenes look at how arranged matches are orchestrated. How much did Indian Matchmaking get right, what did the show get wrong, and how much did they leave out altogether? The fundamentals, it would appear, remain largely unchanged on the surface, but the details do look different. A good family still means one with ideally no crime records, divorce records, or children born out of wedlock.

Young and good looking are now variable; well-cultured is still listed, but is variable too —it can mean multi-lingual, practised in the fine arts, and sometimes just money will do. This can make it harder to predict the parameters, matchmakers say. The vanity checklist — age, height, weight, complexion read skin tone and good looks — still holds.

Caste remains a factor, as do matching horoscopes. Vegetarian or non-vegetarian or pure vegetarian has become trickier, since young Jains may eat this and that, and traditionally pork- or beef-averse communities may have offspring that are not so averse. Type of job has become a more complex differentiator too.

How the reality show ‘Indian Matchmaking’ hides the reality

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Spouse selection in New Delhi: a study of upper middle class marriages. P Bhandari. University of Cambridge, 3, Matchmaking in Middle Class​.

The series focuses on Sima Taparia, a matchmaker from Mumbai who works with upper-class families in both India and the United States to connect couples that fit into the sort of criteria that are par for the course in Indian arranged marriages: income, skin colour, education levels and much more. And sure enough, it has inspired memes, debates about what the show represents and a not insubstantial number of people wondering why so many are watching the show while also telling the world how much they dislike it.

Me every time someone asks me about my dating life from now on IndianMatchmaking pic. Brown society when they see a girl who is over 25 and not married IndianMatchmaking pic. The Oedipus Complex is strong with this one. IndianMatchmaking pic. Why should I even watch Indian Matchmaking when I can just wait a few years and be in it. The web has also been flooded with commentary on the show, from threads about personal experiences to breaking down what Indian Matchmaking says about Indian and diaspora society.

Banerjee et al.

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